listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
