tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
