I accidentally burped into my bong.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
