Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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