i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
