i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
