I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
