It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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