youre lurking in front of me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
