so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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