He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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