someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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