Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
