If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
