so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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