I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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