I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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