he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
