Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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