Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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