I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
