Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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