The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
