You're so nebulous sometimes
My nipple is on Facebook.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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