Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
