Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
