The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
