if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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