I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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