moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
