Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
