Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
