Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
