So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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