The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
