dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
