the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
