is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
