flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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