definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
