if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
