i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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