My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
