I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I died a long time ago.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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