i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
