If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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