I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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