Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
