I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
