like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
