Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
