dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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