You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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