I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
